At the moment I can feel something significant changing inside of me. It's growing and blossoming slowly, and I can feel it stronger everyday...I am becoming less and less scared of tomorrow, and more at peace with yesterday. I'm finding myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I know it will come in it's own time. The foundings of my spirit and my whole being are slowly but steadily building, everything I experience is being plucked out of the universe as I tackle it, and emerging from my own mind at the same time. Like I've been through it all before, seen it all before and forgotten it everywhere except my subconscious. Sometimes I experience and think things I can't really understand, but I'm learning to question them and explore them in my solitude. I have alot of time to think, and when I think I'm never bored. Every night when I
lie in bed I write my own philosophy, question my life and try to understand why things just happen in the way they do, why people act the way they do. I don't expect you to understand this, but I would love for you to relate. There is so much more beneath the surface...I polish my aesthetic because it makes me feel secure, but I know there's something more than that. I'm trying to give my absolute whole self to everything I do, and be calmer when I know I can't. Accepting our own faults will always be one of the hardest things we always need to get around to. I get impatient when people try to rush me; sometimes I wish they'd just let me be. If I could be the perfect Sophie I would be calm at all times, but overthrown with emotion and passion when I feel it. I'm trying to over-come my self-repressive tendencies. I've been through hard times, and am tormented by painful truths about my family and myself constantly. But I'm lucky - so far I've come out the other side. Not merely enduring; but prevailing. Less wallowing in your own insecurities and more excitement about what you can create for your tomorrow. I know that if I want something enough, I can usually get it by applying my focus, strength and experience. I want to throw myself down the rabbit hole head first with open eyes. I am far from perfection; but that is not what I am aiming for.
lie in bed I write my own philosophy, question my life and try to understand why things just happen in the way they do, why people act the way they do. I don't expect you to understand this, but I would love for you to relate. There is so much more beneath the surface...I polish my aesthetic because it makes me feel secure, but I know there's something more than that. I'm trying to give my absolute whole self to everything I do, and be calmer when I know I can't. Accepting our own faults will always be one of the hardest things we always need to get around to. I get impatient when people try to rush me; sometimes I wish they'd just let me be. If I could be the perfect Sophie I would be calm at all times, but overthrown with emotion and passion when I feel it. I'm trying to over-come my self-repressive tendencies. I've been through hard times, and am tormented by painful truths about my family and myself constantly. But I'm lucky - so far I've come out the other side. Not merely enduring; but prevailing. Less wallowing in your own insecurities and more excitement about what you can create for your tomorrow. I know that if I want something enough, I can usually get it by applying my focus, strength and experience. I want to throw myself down the rabbit hole head first with open eyes. I am far from perfection; but that is not what I am aiming for.
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